So You Wanna Be A Rock 'n Roll Star?

The term Rock Star has been around for several decades. During that time, it’s meaning has been adopted by advertisers that want to use it to sell their products, others have used it describe someone who stands out, still others use it as an insult describing some one who thinks they’re too cool for everyone else. When I talk about being a Rock Star and Cracking The Rock Star Code, I’m talking about Exceptionalism. There are many “Rock Stars” I have been inspired by. Charlie Chaplin, Beethoven, Salvador Dali, Muhammad Ali, Walt Disney and Jimmy Page. Some of them are musicians, some are not. All of them represent to me, a level of commitment to being the absolute best in their field with an ability to use their imagination to truly create something new that had not existed before.

Music has been a blessing to me because it’s an area of my life in which I naturally excel. I had so much passionate for playing the drums as a kid that I thought nothing of listening to records over and over again, playing the same parts until I got them just right. I did not think of this as practicing. It was just what I wanted to do with my time. When I got on stage it was very clear to me what I needed to do and if I did not hit the mark, I couldn’t wait for the next time to do it better. Man, if only every other aspect of my life could be this way! If only I could have that much clarity as to my job, my role in every situation, what to do or play or say, and the fearlessness to try to do it better the next time should I fall short. But who says I can’t? Well, I did for a while. Eventually I said, “Yes, I can do this”. Yes I can apply this approach, attitude, philosophy to my every day life. I started to ask myself, how can I be a Rock Star Dad, a Rock Star Husband, a Rock Star employee to the artists I work for, a Rock Star member of my community? It opened my whole world.

The reason I was driven to be the best I could be in my drumming was not to impress anyone, it was not get praise or money. It was for me. Because I wanted to do the best I could do. It felt good. To that point, if someone tells me they enjoyed my performance, I have learned to just say “thank you” and leave it at that. But my natural instinct is tell them everything that I did wrong. I soon realized that made them feel like I was not receiving their compliment and so I changed that behavior. The point is, I knew when I was at my best and just because someone enjoyed the show, it didn’t relieve me of my duty to do it better next time. Understand that this is not a competition, at least not with anyone else. Perhaps a competition with myself, but that’s it. I’m not out to top anyone or be better than them. I’m just focused on being the best I can be.

So I’m wondering: What areas of your life are you a Rock Star? Where do you excel? Do you go above and beyond without a second thought? Are you truly the best you can be? If yes, great! How can you now apply that to the other areas of your life? If no, then….what’s up? Why? Take some time and really think about this. Stop reading and ask your self “why?”.

Welcome back. What did you come up with? Let’s look at 3 key factors that contribute to Exceptionalism and where you may be falling short.

1. Passion: In all the examples I gave of my personal inspirations as well as in my own career, there is a level of passion, almost obsession with being the best in a given field. If the passion is not there, then just doing it for the sake of doing it will not sustain you. Are you passionate about your life? Are you passionate about your career? Your relationships? If not, which ones and why? What’s lacking? Is the responsibility on you or does the situation no longer suit you and it’s time to move on? Be honest with yourself and take a real look at the key areas of your life: Career, Intimate Relationships, Friendships, Self. Know that you deserve to have an exceptional life full of relationships that are inspiring and that you are passionate about. Relationships with people, career and life.

2. Commitment: Just because you have passion does not mean you will have commitment. I knew lots of talented musicians growing up who had passion but did not have commitment and they eventually were driven out of the fast lane and decided to take the back roads. In time, they got lost and just settled for what was most convenient. Lack of commitment also leads to doing things with minimum effort, just enough to get by. Like an employee who does just enough not to get fired. This is no way to be. If this sounds like you, know that you are not getting away with anything. You are cheating your employer, co-workers and most importantly, yourself. You deserve the best you have to give. Regardless of how you feel. Giving your best to every moment is better than not. If you want to change your life, you can. But the first step is owning the one you are living now and recognizing that it is the result of years of choices that you have made. Even if you try to justify it, doing things half-assed does not feel good and is destructive. Which leads me to the third topic….

3. Self-Respect: In my experience this is not something we can fake. If you’re an insecure mess you can keep your mouth shut in certain situations as to not scare people away or weigh down relationships with your own baggage. But in the end, the best cure for low self-esteem is to do estimable acts. What do I mean? Say I have a conversation with someone close to me and upon reflection, I didn’t do such a good job. I interrupted them, didn’t really listen when they were talking and I was defensive. What can I do about this? I can blame them and keep telling myself it was their fault and I was justified in my actions. What I could also do is to look back on the conversation and see what I could have done better, regardless of how they acted. It’s not about them, it’s about me. Blaming other people is a cop out and the opposite of an estimable act. If I discover I am in the wrong, I can apologize and acknowledge what I did or did not do that may have contributed to the unpleasant experience. Doing this without pointing out the other persons shortcomings is recommend unless you want to launch back in to the same argument. The next thing I can do by myself is try to understand why I became defensive, why I cut them off, etc. Lastly, make a commitment to myself to do better next time, citing specific things I could do. “I will let other people finish talking before I speak”. “I will acknowledge what the other person is saying and how they feel before telling my side of things.” “I will take a breath before replying to an accusation that makes me angry.” Engaging in blame, gossip or sharing your story with everyone you know to get them to agree with you and take your side achieves nothing and it certainly will not boost your self respect. Even if you think it makes you feel better.

So you wanna be a rock ’n roll star? Well the good news is, you can! In any and all areas of your life. You are probably already doing this in some area of your life. Maybe it’s your career, maybe it’s not. Just know that exceptionalism is within all of us and is absolutely achievable when we are true to our selves and commit to our highest ideals. Make a list of the areas you feel good about and use that to inform what you might do next to change the areas that are not so hot. Commit to taking one of those actions today.

THESE ARE THE KIND OF THINGS WE TALK ABOUT HERE AT MATT STARR COACHING.  WANT TO LEARN WANT TO KNOW MORE?